You may choose to include any or all

of the free options below :-

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FREE OPTION 1
Occasion

Your choice of occasion on the front of your card:-

eg : - Happy Birthday,
Congratulations,
Get Well Soon,
Good Luck,

Heard your Birthday was going to be NUTS!

... etc.

Ages can be printed also.

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FREE OPTION 2
Name

Name of your choice on front,
(instead of the name pictured in the example.)

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FREE OPTION 3
Inner Dedication

Name of your choice on inside, (before the greeting.)
(If no name is given then we will use the name you gave for the front.)

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FREE OPTION 4
General Inner Message

Any Message printed on the inside.
eg. "Happy Birthday",
"Good Luck",
"Congratulations",

... or anything you can think of.

Ages can be printed also.

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FREE OPTION 5
Personal Inner Message

Any Message printed on the inside.
eg. "From... " + Name(s),
"With Love from ..." + Name(s) etc.
(If no message is give then it will be left BLANK)

Any Message printed on the inside.
eg. "From... " + Name(s),
"With Love from ..." + Name(s) etc.
(If no message is give then it will be left BLANK)

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FREE OPTION 6
Posted

We shall place the card and envelope in separate weather-proof envelope

and send it to you to sign and post yourself.

(Or supply us with the name and address* of the special person

and we can post it directly to them, cutting out time and postage costs,

but remember to include who the card is from on the Personal Inner Message.)

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Full money-back guarantee if unhappy.
Designed to high specifications, make someone feel special with a personalized card.
Printed on 285 gram photo quality glossy card, with coloured insert for that extra luxury.
Blank C5 self-sealing white envelopes are also provided.

Designed to high specifications,

make someone feel special with a personalized card.

Customize your card:-

Choose the design, the occasion, the name,

and make many other choices on the outside and the inside of the card.

Choose from Sports, Hobbies, Animals, Cult TV & Film,

Landscapes, Music, Literature, Art, Funny Stuff, etc.

Landscapes, Music, Literature, Art, Funny, etc.

PERSONALISED GREETING CARD

Bad Jokes

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.
-
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.

So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
-

What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?

An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
-

I just saw a squirrel bury a nut in my back yard.

I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a chocolate bar.

That'll blow his mind.
-

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said "Stay here and be very quiet. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answered" "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.

I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,

'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I guess I just panicked."

-


What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?

A female squirrel.
-



A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a heavy sigh.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family and friends."

"Yes," sighed the Sister. "I went to play golf with my girlfriends.

I try to play a bit of golf as well as devoting my life to Christ."

"Alright, my child," the Mother Superior said. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it,"snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5,

with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green... and I hit the drive of my life.

I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...

and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my !" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened,

this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that may have made me blaspheme!" sympathised Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself!

And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky

and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed." Said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished,

"because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling,

and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled

to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest,

fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the putt, didn't you?"

---


Bill is driving home through a country area one evening when he suddenly catches sight

of something in the headlights, right in the middle of the road.

He slams on the brakes and gets out of the car to investigate.

As he gets closer, he sees it's a squirrel, but smeared from head to foot in poop.

"The poor wee animal," thinks Bill, so he rushes back to the car and grabs a box of Kleenex to clean up the squirrel.

When he's finished and the squirrel has skipped back into the undergrowth,

another squirrel jumps out of the bush, again completely covered in poop.

Bill sets about wiping the poop off this poor squirrel and just as it strolls happily back

into the bushes yet another hops out and it's plastered in poop as well.

"What is going on here?" says Bill, as he starts to clean up the third squirrel.

Suddenly, a voice comes from the bushes saying,

"Hey! Could I have a couple of those Kleenexes? I'm running out of squirrels."

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