LEGIONNAIRES' DISEASE
(Legionella pneumophila) [YAY, PHILLY! WOO HOO!! Ummm...wait...]
Philadelphia, THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE, Birthplace of Freedom and Liberty, where the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE and the CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES were drafted and signed in INDEPENDENCE HALL, is also home to THE LIBERTY BELL, BETSY ROSS HOUSE, STONEHENGE and THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE. (OK, those last two were just to see if you were paying attention!) We claim BEN FRANKLIN as one of our own (Piss off, Boston!**) along with SOFT PRETZELS and REAL CHEESESTEAKS. We were the first city to "discover" BILLY JOEL and BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN and rightfully claim THE HOOTERS and THE DEAD MILKMEN as our own. (Incidentally, Constitutional Scholars agree that Ben Franklin would have LOVED The Dead Milkmen, even if he had no clue what a "Bitchin' Camaro" or a "Punk Rock Girl" was.) We are especially PROUD (where most other cities would be horrified!) to have introduced the phrase "GREASE THE POLLS" to the English-speaking world. (It may sound dirty but is really just a rallying cry, not to mention a dare and "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" for the faithful!) So, our contribution to the microbial world had to be epic...and it was! After the deaths of 29 members of the AMERICAN LEGION, who met in Philly for their convention in the summer of 1976, the world eventually learned to pay better attention to cleaning industrial air-conditioning units (and, more recently, hot tubs) after a previously unknown bacteria turned out to be the culprit. Bye-Bye Bellevue-Stratford Hotel! Hello, Legionnaires' Disease!
[Another point of Philly pride...Based on the quantity (AND QUALITY) of grease, fat, and cholesterol (3 of our 4 basic food groups...we save CHOCOLATE for dessert!), Cardiologists warn that more people have died from PHILLY CHEESESTEAKS than LEGIONNAIRES' DISEASE but, ALL agree...WHAT A WAY TO GO!!!!!!!]
**[Hey, BOSTON! You know I'm just messing with you. You can rightfully claim The J. Geils Band and The Dropkick Murphys, so you have my eternal love and admiration! Besides, I love that dirty water...
However, the BRUINS still SUCK! Incidentally, so do the COWBOYS!]